I started this blog with no real goal other than to vent what I’ve had bottled up for so long. I didn’t have any expectations, just a shot in the dark that I might of found something that helped.
Throughout the almost two years of writing I’ve found myself longing for something more. Something I can never quite put my figure on. Maybe what I want is changing or I don’t actually know what I want from my blog. Honestly it makes it a little hard to stay motivated, hard to keep pouring my guts out for so little. (I stopped and thought just now about how selfish I sound)
Over time I started hoping that I was actually helping someone. A few comments made me feel like I had made a difference in someone’s day, helped them get through a dim hour. (Seriously though, who am I kidding?)
I’ve noticed the last few months that I’m struggling to find something to write done. I have a long list of drafts that I’ve started but I’ve struggled to find the will to finish them. I still have a lot to say about my schizophrenia contrary to popular belief.
I feel as though I’ve become complacent. It’s hard to believe that I couldn’t talk about something that’s troubled me for roughly fifteen years yet here I am, unable to crank out posts like I used too.
I need to find a purpose for my blog. I need something more because the anger has subsided. The tension from holding things in has been released. These things once drove me into writing and without them I feel as though I have nothing left. (When your motivation is the struggle, what’s left to keep you going when that’s no longer a factor).