Mental Obstacles

Everyone talks about adversity, beating the struggle and overcoming obstacles. They’ve been one of the main motivators of my life. So much so that I’m addicted to it. Yet I’m starting to see another side of it, a side I never saw coming.

I’ve overcome a lot in my life. I’ve felt so much pain, my heart ripped out of my chest more times than I can count. It’s always been fuel for the fire. A fire that’s been burning inside, fueled by the struggle. It takes a certain emotional pain tolerance to turn things around. To take an obstacle head on with almost tunnel like focus.

Focusing on a goal has always been the key but what happens when you’ve made it and you’re so worn down from it. I’ve been struggling with life since the dawn of my illness twelve years ago. It’s been a long time coming but I’m finally in a place where I’ve never been before. Honestly though it feels like I can get just as stuck in a rut as before. The problem is now is not the time to focus on the long term goal. I need to focus on doing my best with the daily grind. I have to say that I’m having trouble shifting gears.

I’ve always left myself a lot of grey area with my long term goals, room to wiggle. When I wanted I would make a quick pivot if I were to become no longer comfortable where I was. I’d have to say it’s made me into somewhat of a drifter. I got used to starting over a lot and I’ve become pretty good at it.

The problem lay in my lack of experience when it comes to settling down. I’ve reached a point where the only logical direction is to stay where I am.

Here’s the conundrum, I need to learn to motivate myself without using adversity, something I am a stranger to. Crazy talk right? Nonetheless a real problem I’m facing in my head right now.

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