Writing has certainly become a passion of mine. Putting my experiences, thoughts and opinions out there gives me a clearer head. My mind has always raced, detailed thoughts about my past, present and future. Clearing my head by writing paves the way for me to take on a new day. It helps me move on from the past, to let go of regrets. I lay awake a lot at night thinking of things, trying to get a new perspective.
I’ve tried many different outlets. From driving to clear my head to working out to get rid of stress. Nothing stacks up to my ability to focus my thoughts into writing.
Driving has always comforted me but once I’ve parked my vehicle my mind begins to wander again. Focusing on the road provides an escape from reality. I’m not looking for an escape though, I’m trying to cope.
Working out has always helped me to relax in a sense but my mind wanders before, during and after. Yes my body will be calm but it doesn’t seem to help me in my mental state. In order to truly relax my mind has to clear.
Looking back over five months ago, before I started my blog I didn’t have an outlet to just empty my mind. Talking in therapy or with someone just didn’t cut it. My mind is filled with thoughts that has built up over time. Almost like it wouldn’t leave my mind until I expressed it somehow. The problem with talking about it, for me, is a lot of times the direction of the conversation would be influenced by the person I am talking to. Besides that there are something’s that I have to explain in great detail and writing helps me find all of the right words. Once I’ve put my thoughts into writing I am able to relax.
My illness likes to seep into every part of my life and because I am not very open about it, I am forced to bury my thoughts. People don’t always want to hear about what I am going through. Being able to allow these buried thoughts to escape helps me feel better.
Being able to write down everything allows me to look at situations from a new perspective. There are times where I fixate on things. So much that I blind myself to possible ways of looking at it. Whether it’s something from my past where I can rethink what I did and realize I was wrong, accept it and move on.
I’ve learned a lot about myself since I’ve started writing. I’ve learned that I am capable of letting go of things I’ve held on to for so long. I’ve learned that I can be happy with myself.
In my conquest of trying to clear my mind, my hopes are that I can reach out and touch somebody. That in someway I can give them whatever it takes to keep pushing. I want everyone that reads what I write to take something positive away from it. Whether it’s not making my mistakes, or learning how to accept themselves. Or if the importance of having a healthy coping mechanism.
Writing has become my major coping mechanism. It’s really exciting to think that someone out there who may be going through something similar, can read this and think I am not alone. I chose to be open about my illness not just for me but for you.
Writing also gives me a sense of accomplishment. This website is my baby and I’ll do whatever I can to keep it going because feelings like this don’t come cheap. The feeling I get while writing is unmatched by any other activities. Having healthy coping mechanisms has never been my strong suit.
I hope that everyone can develop something like this. Something that makes them feel truly free.