Difficulties arise in everyday life. Overcoming them is your only option. The same can be said about schizophrenia. For me, there isn’t any other option than to get through my worst times and hope for better days. It’s not a question of will I get through hard times but how. Having a plan or even a set of guidelines for a little wiggle room can help you face your most difficult obstacles. You should just wing it because sometimes you’ll just end up chasing your own tail. As I have learned on countless occasions. It doesn’t always have to be a strict plan though but you should always have your goal in mind.
The first time I had an episode, I was completely lost. Not only was I lost in my own mind, but lost in life as well. Sure I found medication prescribed by a doctor but I was also lost in life. There were programs to help me in life but I never sought them out. Instead I went about it the hard way and it became one of my regrets. I needed help with daily life but refused to ask for it. I find it foolish now that I think about it because it would have really helped me. Back to me being lost, I had no direction. People around would have helped but I’m not sure if they knew how, or if I would even ask. I spent my days sleeping and my nights wondering what my life would be like now. I worried how people would react to me given how Hollywood had portrayed people like me to be. Which the way I was being portrayed was not very flattering. I also had no idea how life would work out in terms of how I would provide for myself when I got older. I often had a terrorizing idea that I would become homeless. The thought still scares me to this day. I’ve often had nightmares of being homeless, in a cardboard box in the woods close to a road. My mind lost and dying from hunger. Next to having an episode, this became one of my worst fears. Even writing this down, I feel the anxiety kick in and my palms are becoming clammy. So let’s move on.
I finally decided to set upon a path that was laid out in front of me. Your typical teen age path, license, diploma and job. Though I only got my G.E.D I still managed to get my license and I started job hunting. I went through a few different jobs as depression was getting the best of me. Finally my father gave me the idea to attend a school in the southern part of the state. Feeling satisfied that it would turn my life around, I decided to go. The school I went to taught me a trade, I had already received my GED and got my license. They offer classes for that there and not needing them I could be in trade all day. I also lived there, for the entire year that it took. The structure of that place was rigid and very beneficial for me. Wake at the same time, make my bed, eat at the same times, and make sure I behave myself. I ended up join the student government there and received many awards for student of the month. Needless to say I was doing much better than before my meds. I also wasn’t the Helion I had used to be. That school taught me a lot. They also got me a job.
The point I’m trying to make here is, if you are lost right now, ask for help. Search for something that will give your life structure and meaning. One of the things that I have learned is that if I am lost, I find something that will give me direction. You may not always find the right path yourself.