The making

So I had a thought earlier that I wanted to run with. What makes me, me? The answer is complicated. I’m adaptable, I change when given valid information. A change in one aspect of me, could mean I look at a lot of things differently. I’ve been through a lot. There’s no doubt about that, but I don’t think that my experiences are all that defines me. Though I wouldn’t doubt that it has a lot to do with it.

Who we are as people changes. Things happen, people grow. Or people revert back to what works. I have many different views on things. I enjoy many different things. There’s no doubt that I do not fit into any preset category but maybe a little of all categories.

My schizophrenia definitely plays a role in who I am and how I look at things. I would say I see the world a little bit differently. I surely appreciate the good moments more so, than before all this. Each time I have an episode, it’s rough. It’s a hellish experience and not one I’d wish on anyone. I believe I’m a better person because of it though. It helped me appreciate the good in my life. Like my wife, the one who has been there for me since the day she met me.

I believe in some ways, my schizophrenia made me intolerant of some things. Like people that waste their lives. One of the things that bothers me about this is, I struggle with some things in daily life. If I had a healthy brain, no doubt it would change who I am but I would be more capable of the daily routine and more. Looking a people that aren’t held back but choose to waste things is rough. I say that though, not knowing what it’s like not to be held back.

I definitely try to look at the bright side of things. Which I think a lot of people with my illness have trouble with, myself included. This can be a depressing thing to deal with. This causing it to claim a lot of lives. We’re more apt to hurt ourselves than anything else. I find that the key to my happiness is the fact that I don’t think about my illness to often. Like what it has done to me, or how it’s affected my life. I’m a one foot in front of the other type of guy. That being an adaptation from not wanting to look at the bigger picture. I don’t like looking at my life as a whole. More as a daily or weekly basis. Sometimes right down to the seconds.

So, who am I? I’m more than I can explain. Especially in just one post. There is more to everyone than that. One things for sure, I pride myself on growing, on adapting to things. Proud that I am who I am, illness and all.

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